In the past when anything happened – because I wanted to glorify God so much in my thoughts – I would resolve that “it doesn’t matter”, “I’m above this”, “I’m turning the other cheek”, and “this is what it’s like to pick up your cross and follow Him.” I had become such a pro at this technique that I actually stopped experiencing certain emotions, even though certain behaviours would expose what was really going on in the depths of my heart (unbeknown to me).
I lived in denial.
By the grace of God, I am learning that it’s alright to process emotion. It’s alright to be annoyed and ticked off, to be angry and to be frustrated. It’s so liberating.
I am now able to bring these raw emotions to God in the moment without having to bury them, and consequently uncover them later down the line.
I don’t want to live a life of denial. I want to face the world head-on and persevere through grace by faith.
So today when I felt mistreated by a stranger on my way to town, I allowed myself to feel annoyed. I took the L, felt the emotion, and handed it to God. I also told my friend what had happened and how it made me feel (big step!). Then I wrote this blog post – and now I’m good!