Untitled Short Story

“Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and wild deer, not to awaken love until the time is right.”‭‭
Song of Songs‬ ‭2:7‬

Hey Guyyss,

AHHHH! This is particularly scary for me because not only is this short story dear to me, but it’s also quite PG – maybe even a 12 (oh dear!). The inspiration for this story is from young Christian couples who have chosen a path of purity for their relationships; and the quirky, unique battles they face. In this particular case it’s temptation. I wrote this piece a couple of years ago actually, and I’ve only shared it with a few dear friends – but today, I extend the invitation to you. Please let me know what you think; what you liked, what you didn’t etc. I hope you enjoy! Lots of love x

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She could feel the heat rising from his body as he lay down next to her, as they gazed upon the clouds and breathed in nature. She sighed silently and wondered what he was thinking about, or whether he was thinking anything at all.

He cleared his throat and turned on his side to watch her, and she in turn mirrored his actions. Their eyes locked. Time seemed to halt; the slight discomfort of laying on the grass immediately evaporated and a sweet, silent song began embracing their hearts, almost as if intertwining them together.

He observed the detailing of her face, from the freckles that embellished her cheeks to the red lipstick he genuinely wasn’t very fond of, then back again to her eyes – eyes glistening with dreams, adventure, and curiousity.

“What are you thinking?” she whispered; her voice like electricity, jolting him back to reality. He had been, in fact, thinking about her, and how amazing it would be to make love to her. Real, authentic love. Where together they’d motion in sync, unifying their thoughts and experiencing identical goosebump sensations. How they’d make incredible, inaudible music; sweet, slow, mellow music. She would sigh deeply and he would drown in her pleasure – together, moving in sync.

“We need to go” he quickly responded, jolting to his feet and shaking off small fragments of grass from his jeans, “Come on, its getting quite late.”

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“But I don’t want to go yet” she mumbled, “I’m enjoying myself.”

“Look” He said sternly, as he quickly packed away their picnic basket, “We’ll come back another time, I promise.” He quickly glanced at her and saw the disappointment in her eyes, and it pained him greatly. Of course he’d love to sit here and gaze up at the sky until thousands of stars made their breathtaking appearance; and of course he loved being able to feel her warm, sweet presence beside him – but he couldn’t trust himself. He’d made a vow and he couldn’t break it.

“Are you ready?” He asked her, as she got up and started folding the blanket they had laid on; it had a playful, vibrant floral print which undoubtedly reflected her personality.

She didn’t respond but carried on folding it in small, neat squares.

He desperately considered how he could drop the basket, grab her hand, and pull her towards himself. But he sighed and looked up at the sky as if asking God for a quick escape.

She finished folding the blanket and turned away from him, walking back in the opposite direction. She was in deep thought and still couldn’t work out why he wanted to leave so early; was it something she’d said? Did he find her questions intrusive and annoying? She suddenly felt heavy disappointment in her heart. It was such a beautiful, sunny day and she longed to return to that electrifying moment where she could sense him laying down right beside her, as they gazed up at the clouds and breathed in nature.

“Carly, wait up!” He called after her. As she walked, he briefly examined her dress and smiled to himself; it was light purple, airy, and with the hem softly brushing past her delicate knees.

After realising that she wouldn’t stop, he attempted to catch up with her, holding the woven picnic basket in his hand. As he finally approached her he gave her a soft, playful nudge – and she looked down at the grass, concealing her smile from him.

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6 Replies to “Untitled Short Story”

  1. So cute! I want to know more about them! You have very descriptive writing, and I think that adds a lot to the scene. I feel like I can picture the moment quite clearly. Some of the best writing advice I ever got (and something that is incredibly difficult for me to follow) is to really stick to only writing things that add to the story.

    The fourth paragraph where you talk about them being in sync, said in sync a few too many times. I felt like I got what you were saying pretty quickly, but the repetition was distracting. This could also apply to some of the descriptions. But I think your characters are super cute, I like the different side of romance and lust it shows.

    Keep on writing!!

    Like

    1. Awhh thanks so much Crystal. Yes I totally understand, I’ve now gone back and altered it slightly so it only shows up twice😂 and maybe one day it might only appear once. Bit by bit I’ll keep on editing.
      This was really good, constructive feedback. Thanks for taking the time out to help me. Xx

      Like

  2. This addresses a very real issue in an entertaining way. Well done! There are people who will rarely pick up a non-fiction book on godly relationships but will happily read a novel that communicates the same message in an entertaining way. So keep writing Christina. We need you!

    Like

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