For me this is a touchy topic and here’s why…
Growing up – ask anyone who knew me – I dressed like a certified grandma. I didn’t give myself that name, my friends did (yes it was that serious). One guy once said he would’ve ‘considered’ me but I didn’t know how to dress, lol. I was the epitome of ‘modesty’. I loved maxi skirts (still do), but they were literally the only things I wore. I wore big coats to cover myself from behind, I would wear thick jumpers even during summer. The modesty revelation hit me hard, I started looking into wearing headscarves (as a Christian) because I wanted to honour God so much with the way I presented myself. I looked down on girls who showed excess skin and turned up my nose at certain fashion, I was above all that. I had it all figured out – until now.
I realise that my ‘modesty’ actually came from a place of insecurity. Yes I still wanted to honour God, but it was easy because I didn’t like my body, therefore ‘modesty’ came naturally. This won’t be true for most people, but
I think it’s easier to be ‘modest’ when you don’t have a banging body.
Imagine if we all looked like Beyoncé – don’t lie, we’d all get tempted to accentuate those curves.
When I started growing up and entering womanhood, people started appreciating curves and thickness. I gained confidence and started leaning towards the other side of the spectrum. I didn’t wear anything that tipped me over the edge, some people would even say I’m overreacting, but knowing the person I was before, and the person I had now become – it scared me.
Right now I’m in a really uncomfortable process of relearning. Because yes I learnt and studied modesty, but I wasn’t older then, I was young and insecure and could hide behind that. However now I actually kinda like fashion, and I realise I can look nice.
There’s been times this year where I’ve looked ‘questionable’. I started loving crop tops, discovered ‘thick’ leggings – which are still leggings btw! It’s hurt having to delete videos on YouTube and pictures off Instagram – not because of the likes or whatever, but because they were even posted in the first place.
I am grateful for the Holy Spirit and Him not giving up on me. He convicts me and He does it very well, until I finally yield, obey, and delete.
I want to be a woman who is fashionable – yes – but above all of that, I want to be a godly woman. I want to honour God with my speech, my integrity, my relationships, my faithfulness to people, my meekness, my actions, my work, and my clothing.
So yes, it hurts to be told I’m wrong. But it pays to have great friends and a great God who will never leave nor forsake me. I know He is doing this for my good.